5 Lessons My Dogs Have Taught Me About Leadership
- Charlie Teljeur
- May 22, 2024
- 9 min read
We often delude ourselves into thinking we’re much more than we actually are. In this case, we want to believe we're the proverbial born leader we secretly think we are.
This is not to say that it might not be true. Perhaps we do have the right stuff. It’s just that this is not our crown to give - that is, you can't anoint yourself - which leads us directly into Lesson 1.
1 Leadership is Earned, Not Given
To set the scene, my wife and I live in rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia (Canada) and we have four dogs. Hugo, a Bouvier; Juno, a Scottish Terrier; Leon, a Pug; and Lula, a French Bulldog.
We have a property that’s near an occasionally-busy road while there’s a large wild open forest behind us. My aspiration is that everyone is allowed off leash as long as they stick to the forest side although this aspiration often runs headlong into harsh reality.
Because of my wife’s work commitments, it’s mainly my role to make sure the dogs get their exercise and because I want to give them a cherished pack experience (which is ultimately heaven for dogs) we often leave the house with Hugo and Lula on leashes, while the other two get the conditional privilege of being off-leash.
Both with dogs and with humans we have a tendency to think we’re leaders simply by having authority over something, but leadership is earned, not given.
Being appointed to a position with authority is not what makes you a leader. In fact, being anointed a leader (or, worse yet, being a self-proclaimed leader) is a recipe for disaster, mainly because our ego likes to assume that everyone under us agrees that you’re a leader simply because you have the title.
What follows is often a power struggle or even an active resistance to your position of authority. Thus, the only way you actually become a leader is by displaying to your team that you truly deserve it.
As they get to know and trust in your decision-making and also in your concern and sincere attention to the team dynamic, team members - with dogs at least - will literally follow you.
With these dogs it’s not about flexing my authority muscles, it’s about acknowledging their desires while also maintaining requisite structure within the pack. I had to make them trust me as well as like me.
Don’t underestimate the importance of displaying to your team that you sincerely have their best interest at heart. Without that, you’re just a manager with an imminent and unavoidable mutiny dead ahead.
2. Know The Team
I’m an eternal optimist and a utopian thinker. In a perfect world, all of the dogs are off leash, all the time. Problem is - and this will become a theme - your aspirations need to be based on not only what you believe is possible but by what is actually possible with the team.
In this foursome of dogs we have Hugo, a Bouvier who, as a herder, is great as a subordinate but is also one who doesn’t want actual leadership. Hugo is noticeably nervous when I'm not there with the team or when he’s not there with the team. I need to recognize him as a wingman but not one who wants to be in charge alone.
Juno, the Scottish Terrier, is always at the front of the pack. Not because she wants to lead but because she’s a hunter at heart. She’s also the most headstrong, always trying to justify that her agenda takes precedence.
She will be the first one to listen because she ultimately is there to protect the team, even though her wants may seem selfish. With her I need to be firm when warranted but encouraging as much as possible.
I simply need to let her flourish in her role as self-proclaimed protector of the team while also expecting her to know that I still have the wheel.
Leon, the Pug, is the malleable glue within the team who thinks he can take on any role - like protector, for example - even though I would ultimately classify him as the leader of the followers.
On the positive side he’s a team player to his core but on the negative, he’ll willingly go along with almost anything the others’ decide. That means wandering away if it’s on the menu.
Lula is our French Bulldog and the one thing you need to know about Frenchies, it’s that they’re spastic by nature. He’ll go from first gear (staring off into the distance) to fifth gear (bolting like he’s been shot out of a cannon) in an instant.
He’s also the only adopted one of the bunch so I need to appreciate he didn’t grow up with the team so I can’t assume he knows what he’s supposed to do at any given time.
Without intimately knowing the inner workings and tendencies of the entire team you will fail. All the discipline or pleading you provide will never overcome their blind spots, tendencies or shortcomings.
As their leader you need to coach the team you’re given rather than trying to force them to become something they’re not.
3. You Will Be Judged By Knowing Their Limits, Not Yours
How many times have you seen something in someone yet they can’t see it themselves? You’re convinced it’s there but you’re constantly running up against the reality that it might not actually be there.
Leadership is about adjusting expectations based on how well you really know the team. This isn’t to say you’re wrong in your beliefs, it’s more about realigning them to match what’s actually there.
This could mean more patience on your part to wait for your insights to show themselves, but it also could mean that the individual in question may never see what you see in them. And that’s okay.
With Hugo for example, I’ve always felt he could be a leader of the pack - and he is in certain aspects - but he craves the certainty and safety of structure. He will literally help drive the team but doesn’t want to navigate the voyage itself. And if there’s one thing I’ve really learned with respect to these dogs it's how to build smaller teams within the bigger group to achieve the desired result.
Leon and Juno can be off leash more often, for example, (because I know I know they ultimately respect my authority) while the other two need to be more regimented because total autonomy is not what they're after. They're ultimately great followers.
Knowing - and accepting - everyone's limitations is exemplifying real leadership. Encourage what you see in them but also be willing to accept and respect what they're giving, or not giving you.
Angst and anger manifest themselves as fear. When we lash out in stressful situations we need to recognize the base root of these problems. Simply being angry only relieves you of your stress and doing so only makes it worse for the team.
Years ago I had a German Shepherd who was hit by a car. She survived with fewer scratches than I did, although mine were all psychological. Since then I have had this irrational fear of history repeating itself and anytime any of our dogs get near the road, my fear for their safety turns into anger because they’re not listening to my commands.
Certainly my intentions are benevolent and my ultimate intentions are to keep them safe, but what exactly do I expect to accomplish by yelling? Why would they feel safe approaching someone who’s sending them mixed messages?
This is probably the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn. In order to show true leadership and to keep the team safe it’s entirely on me. I can’t yell. I can’t be angry. It’s up to me to recycle the frustration (masked as anger) into me becoming their safe port in a storm.
Your team needs to trust you. To be able to listen to you and know all will be well. They might not see the imminent danger but you do, and true leadership always puts their safety and wellbeing above anything you may be feeling.
4. Know Who You Need To Be, And When
I’m guilty of being a softie when it comes to the dogs because I so badly want them to live a life with as much freedom as possible. I’m not a disciplinarian by nature and that can get me into trouble. By not recognizing the nature of your team you do them a disservice by assuming they’ll do what you want them to do when required (that is, to run free but be ready to listen to me when I need you to).
This can be problematic because dogs can’t share this sort of insight and ethos. It’s not that they don’t enjoy the freedom of being off leash. It’s just that to them, that’s a default setting because they don’t see the potential dangers in total autonomy.
The real problem comes when the softie in me meets the occasional (and unexplored) disciplinarian in me. My first reaction when I need to be more dominant is to feel like I’m selling my soul, but in reality, taking charge (in a direct and decisive manner) is exactly what they want. They’re pack animals after all and occasionally they need an authority figure. Taking charge is actually welcomed because even those most domesticated pack can get very nervous when things go awry.
The Lesson? They appreciate strength and decisiveness as much as they do with playfulness and fun.
Delegate when you can but don't be afraid to be an actual leader, regardless of how it might hurt your ego.
5. Like Democracy, True Leadership Is Fluid
We often think that leadership is like cement. Soft and supple when it starts but hardened and permanent when it sets. In other words, your leadership role, once established, will stay that way till you decide you’re not a leader anymore.
Thinking this way is a huge mistake. Like the concept of democracy, it’s only as good as how much you tend to it. Left to its own devices or outrightly ignored, your ability to lead will turn sour or toxic.
Your role needs to be re-invented with every new dog added to the pack which, of course, is similar to adding human team members. The rationale behind that is simple. Every single team member adds a new element to the mix and you need to recognize how that changes the team dynamics when it happens.
I met Hugo when I first met my wife. He was already established with her as her companion and protector and I was the outsider entering his hierarchy. For him to trust in and respect my desire to help lead him, it was all on me to gain his trust. In all honesty he rightfully viewed me as a potential threat early on, given that I was entering into his domain.
Over the years I have gained his trust and shortly thereafter Juno was added (as a puppy) to the mix. Dogs, even with new puppies, will realign their own hierarchy and it’s your responsibility to re-establish leadership while respecting the inner workings of the species.
Humans do a similar thing when a new team member is added although the posturing will probably be a lot less obvious. Depending on the role of the new person there may be internal struggles with the newest member and it’s entirely up to you to put everyone at ease by clearly defining the changes they’re seeing. This is a matter of both welcoming the newest arrivals while also acknowledging the value of the legacy members.
In a perfect scenario you will put everyone’s minds at ease by showing them how the addition can be beneficial to everyone. This implies recognizing possible anxiety within the pack, since not all additions are looked at as positive. Regardless, it’s your job to ensure that everyone gets along as best as they can.
They might not have had a say in who’s been added but they will need to accept that this is the new reality. In other words, they all need to co-exist together for the good of the pack. It’s simply about alleviating fears and making room for everybody is something you need to look after if you truly want to be a good and respected leader.
With my dogs, each time a new one was added the makeup and roles of the pack changed. Leon, who was welcomed in as a puppy, brought with him great happy energy but also more responsibility and uncertainty for me because he wasn’t expected to be leading anyone. For a short time Juno jockeyed with him for position while Hugo showed increased leadership but also deeper anxiety because it was yet another small dog he would have to protect.
Lula - adopted when he was barely a year old - came in with certain patterns already established. Being off leash was pretty much new territory for him, which is something I had to adapt to quickly.
He would follow the pack’s actions for the most part but also take off into the forest without warning at other times. Because of this, his learning process needed time, both on and off the leash so he could truly understand the pack’s group dynamics.
In the end, understanding your constantly-evolving role not only makes your job easier but, more importantly, helps maintain the trust of your team.
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